Welcome! I’m writing about my creative growth in hopes of making this blog an inspirational magnet. I believe this: Everything I need, I already have. And maybe, so do you.
My mom is 91. My daughter is 14. I am 52. Today at the nursing home, my daughter fed my near-toothless mother a lunch of pureed carrots, mashed potatoes and roast beef. Afterwards, Mom wept about wanting to die. My daughter cried. I hugged them both. Welcome to our Kodak moment!
May 10, 2009 4:34 PM
As difficult as the elder scene is, we are all treasuring every chance to share I-love-you hugs. This means so much since I’ve spent most of my life resenting my mom’s needy melodramatics. Everything is about her. Mother’s Day was always her day -- even though I’m a momma too. But in the last few years, I’ve grown up. Which means I’ve found ways to get the attention I need. And since there’s no more competition with her, I can love her.
So when lunch was done, we pushed Mom in her reclining wheelchair to the living area. Her feet have gone flaccid because she can’t walk anymore. Her hearing is shot and she only sees shadows. We held her hands, which don’t have much muscle tone, not after the strokes. Together, my baby and I listened as Mom talked about how her body hurts. She wants to go because of the pain. Yet she wants to stay, she said, because she loves us. I am torn, too.
My daughter left the nursing home in tears and I had to comfort her during the two-hour drive home. But now that I am back in our nest, it occurs to me that I’ve been weeping about losing Mom since I was in my mid-30s. I stopped, though, when the shrink I had then gave me excellent advice: “You can keep killing your mother by going on and on like this. Or you can enjoy her while she’s here and bury her once, when she really leaves this earth.”
I need to remember that now and appreciate all that I have. I got to embrace my mom, which helped lessen her pain for a little while. My boyfriend made me happy by sending me flowers, which are his stand-in since he’s working right now. Yesterday, I had a glorious time shopping a church attic sale and a neighborhood tag sale. Now, my daughter is about to treat me to the movies (“X-Men Origins: Wolverine”). Afterwards, The Princess thinks we should stop for fast food somewhere and pig out. “You know you want to do it,” she said.
How wonderful to have my child know me so well. :)
Roses from my BF; so sweet.
This song is dedicated to my mommy and my baby. It’s “The Sweetest Somebody” by Stevie Wonder, from the “Time 2 Love” album.
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